EVERY FOOD DELIVERY EVER
Yes! Hey! I got your pizza for you! – Thank you!
– No problem, dude. Uhm… Somebody ate some. Woah! Uh, I don’t know who did that. – Well, whats on your-
– Gotta figure that out. Is that sauce on your mouth? No, there’s no sauce. Is that – what is that on your shirt? That’s not sauce. That’s a pepperoni! “That’s blood..” Blood? I got… *sighs* I got stabbed. It’s a tough job. Every Delivery Service Ever. Why is my food taking so long, and why is the car moving so slow? Don’t forget to tip! Next pickups in five miles. Ugh! Oh, Seamless is way better than Grubhub. James? Bobby! I haven’t seen you since high school! Yeah, you look like you’re doing well for yourself! Yeah! Well, I uh, I run my own business now. And, uh, just bought this house. Got a Tesla. I’m, I’m killing it frankly. You’re a… Food delivery guy? That’s cool, that’s neat! No, this is, this is just for fun, this is a joke.
– Is the food here? – Bobby?!
– Carol?! – Oh my god, it’s been literally since like high school!
– You two dated, right? Yeah, until he brutally dumped me for not being cool enough, and then you went under pursue being like a world famous rapper, right?! M’hm, yeah. My god, I think what you specifically said was that you’re gonna be the next Ja Rule and that my lame ass was the only thing standing in your way? *laughing* – Well, I’m glad that happened because we wouldn’t be married right now.
– I know, so uhm, how’s the music stuff goin’? – Good?
– So good, so good. Don’t forget to tip. Why did they give me like thirty forks? Yes! – Hi!
– Got your postmates.
– Thank you.
– Ooh, nice shirt! Okay listen, I have a boyfriend so don’t look at me like that, you creep. Oh – uh no, this is just a genetic condition. My face is stuck like this. Also, I have chronic dry lip syndrome. It’s kind of problem. – Oh, I’m sorry.
– Uhm, everything okay babe.
– M’hm. Hello there! – Uhm…
– Don’t worry, he’s not hitting on you, his face is just stuck like that. Oh, no this is genuine this time. I am hitting on your boyfriend. I’d totally do him. Oh, well, love a man in uniform. What?! Ugh, the food’s cold already… – Hey, here’s your ice cream. Sorry took so long is the line this flippin’ crazy, dude.
– And I get anxiety in social situations.. – So I was all like “AHHH,” you know how I can be.
– Totally, yes. I’m also going through this breakup right now, and it’s like it’s cool ’cause we’re still friends except we’re not friends because like I want to be friends, but she’s being all like weird about it, right?
– Yeaah… – And it’s weird because I thought it would be like settle down by now, right? And my parents were all like.. “When are you gonna get married?” And I’m just like “I’m here mom.” Why don’t you love me?” “Show me some love like you love my brother.” I deserve love! Okay, I’m gonna open this door and hope he doesn’t rob me. Hey, when is the food getting here? – Any minute. They have a drone delivering it now!
– Whaat?! Modern life truly is a marvel to behold. Oh my god, it’s here! I’ll be right back! Roger that, target acquired. Launching hamburger. Oh my god… oh my god… I asked for Thousand Island dressing! Why is he driving in circles around my block? – Hey, postmates!
– Hi! Thank you — oh uhm, sorry I actually ordered lemon lime. – Oh, no problem. I’ll get that for you.
– Okay. – What juice was that?
– Hmm…? Oh, I ordered your lemon lime. Oh… – Grubhub?
– Oh thank you. Oh, I’m so sorry. I ordered a lemon lime.
– Oh crap. Oh, don’t worry about it. I got you.
– Oh, thank you. – Alright…
– I’m so sorry — oh! That’s me, got another delivery! Ooh lemon lime. Uhm… I actually Uber here, so… – It would be possible for you to give me a ride home?
– I have to be here when my lemon lime arrives.
– Oh right, same. Every Delivery Service Ever. I haven’t seen you since high school! Yeah, I’m so sorry. I looked right in the camera. I think you specifically said that you’re gonna be the next Ja — Okay, I have a boyfriend so don’t — Hey guys. Thanks so much for watching this video. I hope my delivery was good. I am an actor. If you want a very special video just for you, click the box on the left. Or if you want something weird, click that box on the right. Goodbye!